Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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