Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
