"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
