eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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