i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
