I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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