my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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