She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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