I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
