I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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