haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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