I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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