She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
