I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
