My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
