I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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