Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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