We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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