I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think my moral compass just broke
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