He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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