They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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