Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
