If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
