dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She needs sedatives and a leash
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
