We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
