my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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