Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
