I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
