ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
