My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
