Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
