haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
