we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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