Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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