she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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