I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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