I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
