It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
