she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
