Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
