Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
