I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
