The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
