I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
