I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
