Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
