"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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