living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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