I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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