I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
