Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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