I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All the doctor said was why
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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