in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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