I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
