i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
