You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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