so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
