So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
