Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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