So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
