The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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