when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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