You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
