maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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