I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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