I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
