So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
